Giver vs Taker

Here’s a yogic teaching most people don’t understand.

In every relationship, there is one person who is the giver, and one who is the taker. Before you get hung up on the language, let me warn you that if you are perceiving one as better than the other, you will not be able to intuit which you are. So please, suspend your judgment for just a few moments.

This dynamic has nothing to do with gender or identification with masculine or feminine energy. It is very simple, one person’s auric energy field is bigger than the other’s. It’s part of their energetic anatomy the same way one person being taller than the other is part of their physical anatomy. The energy in the relationship flows “downstream” from the giver to the taker. Picture twin mountain peaks, they are both serene and pristine and awe-inspiring, but one of them is slightly taller. Now here’s the rub and where most people get confused, on the ultimate energetic level, this dynamic never changes. In each relationship, one person is always the giver and the other is always the taker. It can change from relationship to relationship, you might be the giver to your best friend and the taker to your romantic partner. But within the same relationship, this anatomy of energy is fixed.

The teaching says that every problem in a relationship comes from a misunderstanding of which way the energy is flowing. Either you’re the giver who is not giving, or you’re the taker who is not taking. Or you’re resenting the position you have in some way. So the key to harmonious relationships is to lean into your position in a wholesome and authentic way. If you are the giver, find ways to give more, and if you’re the taker, find ways to receive more. The easiest way to tell which you are is to try on each position. If you are the giver, you will be energized by giving. If at any time you feel like you “just can’t give anymore,” it is likely you are not the giver. If you are the taker, you will be energized by receiving.