What Happens After We Die?
(5 min read)
The most important thing I wanted to ensure before telling my oldest son his father had died, was that I had an understandable, repeatable, and truthful answer to the inevitable question, “what happens to someone after they die?” I realize there are so many different views regarding what happens once we die, and the truth will only be revealed to us upon our own deaths, but this is my interpretation of the Tibetan-Buddhist teachings and what I believe to be true.
The Buddhist beliefs around death hinge on the idea of rebirth, or reincarnation. While the idea of rebirth can be simple and beautiful, the Buddhist teachings are very complex and extensive – I will do my best to describe them in layman’s terms, if the Buddhist philosophy is interesting to you, I would recommend reading The Dharma by Kalu Rinpoche as a great resource to go deeper.
Many believe and have experienced a projection as we die such as a white light or seeing your whole life replay in front of you – the Buddhist teachings align with that notion. It’s taught that as you’re falling into death, you might see a divine white light around you; that light is your true nature. A person’s “true nature” is a divine, omniscient, fully present, and love-filled light, and it is believed that if we can recognize it at our time of death then we have the chance to reach enlightenment at that moment. One who is enlightened understands the true nature of the universe, and with this has the choice to exit the cycle of re-birth.
Most of us walking around, going about our day-to-day lives are not fully enlightened Buddhas. Most of us are stuck in the cycle of Samsara (birth, sickness, old age, death, and rebirth) and have missed the chance of enlightenment at the moment of our deaths countless times. For the majority of us that do not recognize our true nature at the time of death, the conscious mind shuts off. This was described to me, by my teacher, as being similar to falling asleep. After a period of time, you will then begin to arise into the Bardo space – the liminal space between death and rebirth.
Once you arise into the Bardo Space, you will first walk through benevolent deities who reflect all your positive karma – the positive choices or tendencies of your own mind. At the base of this transition is our mind, it is the only thing we take with us from life to life. Our mind, our essence, is made of our karmic tendencies – both good and bad. So, the next space we travel into reflects the opposite – our negative karma. The karma of anger, deceit, whatever it may be.
The practice of Buddhism in life is to prepare your mind for this very experience. The idea is when you find yourself traveling through the Bardo Space, you are doing so with a balanced and meditative mind. If your mind is balanced when you find yourself presented with beautiful, blissful, and welcoming imagery you don’t cling to it. On the opposite end of the spectrum, a balanced mind will prevent you from rejecting or turning away when you pass through the negative and wrathful displays of your own mind. A meditative and balanced mind will allow you to pass through to the third stage, where we “choose” our rebirth.
There is not much of a conscious choice in this stage unless you are an enlightened being, or very close to being one. If you don’t have the meditative practice or that absorption of mind, you are compelled to a warm dark space which becomes the womb space for your next life. You will get to see reflections of the life you are leaving behind and simultaneously see images and hear the sounds of the life you are stepping into.
It is said that the soul lingers around the mother and father in union and will choose to incarnate based on the “karmic coordinates” of their minds. So, if you have benevolent, kind, patient, and loving karmic tendencies in your mind, you will be more likely to choose similar tendencies in your parentage - It is important to clarify that the word “choice” in this context, refers to the compelling of our cosmic tendencies, not a choice of free will. Of course, we would all choose to have loving and supportive parents – no one chooses to be neglected, abused, or worse. We are pulled toward the coordinates that match the code of our karmic tendencies.
The reason that Buddhists, in life, find a meditation practice is to be able to become conscious of our tendencies and then be able to change them. If we act from the position of karmic tendencies, we will continue to suffer, but to act with the pure intention to benefit others requires a meditative and neutral mind. Which takes work. Lifetimes of work.
After Joe died, a lot of people asked me what his beliefs were about death and what happens after. I remember explaining it a few times in the immediate aftermath and finding comfort in the clarity and stability of our shared beliefs. Sometimes, we may have seemingly conflicting views within ourselves, and it's okay to hold space for more than one belief to be true. If you believe a loved one is with you and watching over you, but you also believe that they will be reborn into a new life, those two things may seem contradictory. In my opinion, what happens after we die is such a huge unknown, why shouldn’t we hold space for somehow in some way, both things to be true?
The time between life and rebirth is said to be around 40 days. So, in the days following a loved one’s death, it is important to say prayers and chant mantras to help guide them through the dark and intimidating truths of the Bardo Space. Our prayers and mantras help that being find balance through it so they can be closer to the choice of a favorable rebirth. It is believed if you have taken birth in a peaceful location where you are well cared for, you will grow up with leisure time in your day to commit to a spiritual practice that will, in turn, allow you to help more people and be of more service.
It is the goal of every Buddhist to practice and prepare for finding an even more favorable rebirth in the next life, exponentially, until we reach enlightenment. Now, I don’t use the term “enlightenment” lightly – even the most devoted Buddhist practitioners hope to become enlightened in ~16 lifetimes. 16 lifetimes is one of the more rapid ascension timelines – it could be centuries or ions.
All of this is to say that this life we have been granted is precious and should be used for meditative practice because you never know where you could end up in the next life. This conviction allows us to feel true compassion for all beings, because the loved ones we say goodbye to in this life, and the ones we’ve said goodbye to in countless lifetimes prior, may be closer than we think.