How I Do It
When discussing the loss of my husband, the grief associated with that, or how I’m holding up in that particular moment, a question I often receive is, “how are you so strong?” or “how do you do it?”
The following are my tips for navigating through grief with sovereignty and strength or “how I do it.”
1 . Get A Therapist / Find Support
Holding in your grief will slowly deteriorate both your mind and body, so finding an unobjective set of ears upon which you can let it all out is crucial. While this person should be someone you trust and is invested in your well-being, try to find someone who is not also grieving and can give somewhat of an unbiased opinion. Avoid close friends and family, even though your village will flock to you in support.
2. Daily Practice for Your Body
It might be yoga, meditation, or even having a warm glass of water with a lemon when you wake up – any practice that boosts you physically can be used to anchor your body, calm your nervous system and ground yourself in the neutral mind.
3. Journal
Since I found out my husband had passed until now, there have been a million thoughts racing through my head – Good thoughts, anxious ones, plans for the future, memories from the past, etc. These thoughts are important and should be reflected on when you are mentally/physically in a space to do so. When we let intrusive thoughts overwhelm us, our brains process them quickly and then block them off to protect our well-being. Dictating time to write down our thoughts and feelings gives you the power to reflect/process them on your own time.
4. Find A Hobby
For me, it’s golf, but you can pick any hobby that brings joy to your heart and allows you to check out and not think about it. Provide your mind with a small break from its daily grieving.
5. Find A Place Where You Feel Connected to Them
Find a place you can visit that makes you feel close to the one you’ve lost, where you can feel their presence with you, and visit it regularly.
6. Set Boundaries
Be very clear with your voice and your energy. Be clear about what you are and are not willing to do, talk about, accept in your life, etc. If you make plans when you’re feeling good, the day arrives, and you’re not feeling up to it, cancel. It’s vital to inhabit a space where you are comfortable saying, “Actually, I need to stay home today,” without guilt. If birthday parties are triggering to you, know it’s okay to decline an invitation.
7. Remember: You Don’t Owe Anyone Anything
Grieve in your own way, and don’t feel pressured to say, do, or feel anything for someone else’s comfort. You are not obligated to conform to someone else’s idea of grief to honor the one you’ve lost adequately, and it is not your job to comfort others who are grieving.